plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's like iHOP with fire
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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