Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
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Inconspicuously
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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