Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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