I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
