Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
