I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
