she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
