Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is Oprah even human
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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