Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
