escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
