Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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