It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
