I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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