i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
