Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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