The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
