i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
