flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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