too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
