Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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