I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
where are you?
Hypothermia
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
