They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The uberlube is also flammable
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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