just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
only you would photoshop your dick
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
