I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
don't judge my taste in strippers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
