im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
