I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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