he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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