I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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