You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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