you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
