I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
