My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you win again, gameday.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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