you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
