Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
