And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
