I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
