My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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