did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
