I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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