im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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