dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
