Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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