Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
