I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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