dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize