I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
