So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
