I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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