he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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