she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
