that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
