mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
