I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
