Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize