Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
