Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize