a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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