HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
