Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
