I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
