Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
