He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Randomize
