i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
