Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
