what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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