i just had sex bonerless
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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