Well apparently he's into motor boating.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need moral support for this bender
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
