remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
