Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize