hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
