You really coming over, don't trick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
