i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
