Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
