It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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