Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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