also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Are my feet made of real feet?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
